Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
