Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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