my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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