i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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