Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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