I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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