I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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