windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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