I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
