Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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