Im at strip club and am horny
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
