you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
