there's paper in my vomit.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
