sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
