I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
