Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
