Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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