Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
