i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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