what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
