But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
