I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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