My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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