we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
