Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
