Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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