Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
