Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
