the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
