so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
