If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My dick has a subreddit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
