Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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