mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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