I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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