Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
