hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
