Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
