May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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