I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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