I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
