non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
