Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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