I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
