the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
