theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
