Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
