He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
