I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the condom got lost in my hair
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
