and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
