FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
