I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
