She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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